Secret Agent hick?
by zombie4play
Summary: Parody. On-going. Nick X Ellis. OCC. Romance. A super secret agent who longs to be a conman? A southern CEDA test subject going along for the ride? What could possibly go wrong?  Also, Oh dear lord, no he didn't...
1. before it all began

**Secret Agent...hick?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any recognizable characters in this fiction, they all belong to Valve. I also do not own the song 'secret agent man', I DON'T OWN ANYTHING BUT MY IDEAS.**

**my third story and my second on going one. I'm so excited, so without further adue...enjoy and review.**

**Chapter prolouge:Before it all began**

The wind blew slightly, stirring up particles of dust in its wake. The containment facility was on high alert and was more active than usual. More dangerous. The compound had all its defenses up. The uppers had even brought out the elite special guards to protect this shit hole.

Darkness.

That's all there was on the outside of the enclosed prison and said testing site. The only light that could be seen within miles were the search lights that were illuminating the said facility in an almost threatening glow. But the darkness was also there. Was always there. Darkness that mocks your every misjudged move as you try and navigate your way through. The shadow caused from the moon shaded the world in a variety of whites, grey and blacks. But beyond the gated grounds there was nothing more than an overgrown forest. The trees were as tall as buildings, seeming to have never before been tampered by the defiling hands of mankind. It was dense and lush, but no sounds of birds could be heard from inside the ever growing forest, no tracks leading into the shrubs that so generously spread across the hard ground. There was nothing, save for the hideously horrendous sounds of screeching, moaning and more often than to be a comfort, the crying of what would seem to be a small girl. These were the cries of the infected, of the dead. This forest though teeming with life, was hollow, motionless, dark...dead.

Far beyond the Dead Forest lay a city in ruins. Its once proud buildings that once stood proud and tall now lay in a disgraceful heap. The smell of smoke was strong enough to make your nose cringe in disgust. The streets were broken apart as though someone or something had pulled parts of the heavy solid concrete from the roads causing it to take on the appearance of a giant puzzle. Weeds over grew everywhere, sprouting up on the piles of rubbish that were once office buildings, over the side walks and all through out the streets. And just like the forest, this place too was dead. The only sounds were some roars and chilling maniacal laughter. Though only rumors, it was enough to give pause, were the ghostly hollow coughing that could be heard on moonless nights. Of course, no one was around to hear it, no one alive anyway.

Through out this desecrating damaged land the smell of rotting and decaying flesh hung heavy and thick in the already moist and damp air. In fact the odor was so thick that you can even taste the putrid substance on the tip of your taste buds, causing them to sting and pucker in protest.

No one in their right mind would think about going up against a forest of snaring monstrous undead beasts who lurked around every shadowed corner. Or even dare tread the path through the city to even get close to the Dead Forest. Nope no one. Not the Marines, not Air Force, not the Navy and certainly not the Army. The FBI and CIA took great care to avoid this group. So who did that leave?

This group had stations everywhere on this quickly under populating infected world. Stations that were bigger and better than the fortress they put on display for dead eyes to see. Ones that were even more gruesome in the way of testing and killing. They were the nastiest people you would ever meet. They only care about themselves and no one else. Looking out for numero uno was always one of there mottos. They were garbage. The scum even below the infected. Who are in charge of helping those poor people who came down with a mysterious virus. But were they doing their job? Were they using their power for good? Not in the slightest. In fact, they were abusing their power to help themselves to become more powerful. They were a bunch of greedy slobs. No good fart-munchers.

The scum of the scum, CEDA.

Even though the city was wroth with zombies, even though the forest was full of infected individuals and even though he was alone. One person braved those odds, and why? Because it was his job.

The man clad in black made his way swiftly over to remains of an infected that he had the displeasure of meeting. His feet smashed against the soft ground as he moved to kneel behind a pile of discarded metal cans full of bio hazard material. The yellow and green cans could very well hide four dead bodies if needed. How it was positioned left a little cove that was only concealed from sight by the size of the stacked forms towering against the outer wall of the facility. If it could successfully hide four bodies it could very easily hide one living life form.

For a minute he knelt there thinking of what could possible be in those cans. Contaminated blood? Goo from and unfortunate infected? Maybe vile puked out by those fat unlucky one? Or worse?

But his mind was not allowed to wander for too long fore his High Tec wrist watch transmitter started to pick up the desired frequency that he needed. Static started on the other end of the line before a rather familiar voice could be heard on the side. It was HQ.

"Do you read me agent?"

"Affirmative."

"I was ordered to give you explicit instructions to-"

"Not to be rude _sir_ but I already know the drill, so if you could just get on with it I'll do my job and be done with it."

"Alright. Fine. But it's just procedure. Don't get all up in my ass-"

"I'm waiting." The agent could hear much grumbling on the other end of the line, causing him to smirk.

"Fine Nick-"

"Oh no you don't. That's not my agent name." This time around he could hear shouting and much cussing on the other end.

"REALLY!"

"Yep." He always loved pissing off the higher ups in his division. It always made for a good laugh.

"Fine! This is a simple routine mission _Conman-00_..."

Nick smiled. He had always loved that name. Even though he himself wasn't a Conman, his father was. And he had always wanted to follow in his father's footsteps. The agent fondly recalled how his dad would come home with a big smile on his face when he had won it big. The potent smell of dirty money perfumed the air that would soon be accompanied with the smell of lobster and other fine assortments for a fabulous dinner to celebrate his winnings. The look on his mother's face when her husband brought home the jackpot was unforgettable. She loved him so much. But love didn't stop the mob from coming. Didn't stop the mob from killing his family. Didn't stop the mob from beating the living day lights out of him and leaving him for dead.

Even though it ended badly for is father, Nick still wanted to be just like that, but was he? No. Instead he was a ultra top secret field agent undergoing impossible missions ,using top secret gadgets and always traveling beating the odds that today may be his last day. Yeah, top secret stuff. How boring.

"...All you have to do is scale that 50 foot wall in front of you. Then, make your way passed the 'SI' guards, be careful, they are fully loaded down with the standard sub machine guns. Then, make sure you stay out of sight of the laser grids. Watch out for any land mines, surveillance cameras and the shark pit moats..."

_Shark pit moats? Damn these people mean business._

"...that are scattered through out the grounds. You must also get passed the ravenous infected dogs as well as the regular guards with standard M-16's in their arsenal. Once you have done that, you are all in the clear as you narrowly pass unseen by the searching lights that are linked to any and all alarms in the compound and deal with the Highly operational security system that will lead you inside the reinforced steel building where you will blend in and become one with your surrounding or risk being shot on sight or worse... Experience horrible painful suffering for trespassing upon restricted grounds..."

_Oh, is that all?_

"...But once inside you must gather as much intelligence as you can on this CEDA corporation and their mission and objectives. Also-"

There was static on the other end and Nick cursed himself inwardly. Why the hell did he have to do this crap? He was too old for this. Just too old.

Nick quickly regretted that he had hopped at the chance to go on this mission. What was he thinking? But before he could begin to form his next thought his transmitter screeched back to life.

"Did you copy the new information Conman-00?" The transmitter must have continued on with its briefing even though he was not able to receive it.

"No." Nick replied into his watch. "Please relay the new information to me hence forth, Control." Nick was slightly irritated by the fact that now he had something else to do besides the ridiculous laundry list they had already previously assigned him.

"I said that there are survivors in the vicinity. Test subjects for the CEDA scientists to work on. They are CEDA's lad rats."

"Are they immune?"

"Once," Nick could hear what sounded like a sigh through his transmitter, but was unable to identify the sound because of the static. "But we have reason to believe that CEDA, with all their experiments on them, have mutated them beyond all hope. Your new job is to kill off all these genetically mutated hybrids -"

"Kill off human beings?" Nick was horrified that they didn't even hint at the idea, but to bluntly came out and said it. The voice was cold and human less as Nick heard an affirmative pass through the speaker of his watch. This wasn't right. I can't be right. They were still human after all. Right?

"But aren't they still human? Can't they be saved? They are-were innocent."

"They once. They once were all those things operative. But not anymore. They are monsters now. Horribly deformed disgusting and blood thirsty, flesh eating monsters."

"But still. It's not their fault that they were-"

"Since when do you care for someone Conman-00?"

Nick flushed. He was only being human. Thinking and clinging to the last hope that maybe, just maybe they could be saved. Even if he knew that even with a miracle, it was impossible to save them. But call him human, he liked to lie to himself and say that everything was going to be ok when he very well knew that they weren't going to be.

They didn't deserve to die. After all, they just didn't walk right up to CEDA waving their arms and shouting "Hey. Let me be your test subject. Pretty please? I wont struggle or anything. I'll even give up my children, and my spouse, hell I'll leave my entire family if you want. No? How about a handy-J?" Nick seriously doubted that.

"I don't."

"Good, because I would hate to lose my pessimist-"

"Shut the fuck up dickhead." He had meant it playfully but the words came out harsher than intended.

"Good. Then you will have no problem dealing with this task then. Right?"

If Nick said 'no' then he would be in for an earful when he got back to head quarters, and God knew he didn't want that. He'd rather keep his limbs thank you very much. So even if it went against everything that screamed inside of him, he agreed.

"Yes."

"Good choice agent."

"How many are there?"

"What?"

Nick had to take a few deep breathes before continuing. "I asked how many there were."

"Hold on one second agent and I will read you the report."

There was a click and some rustling on the other end of the line, then out of no where music started playing, disrupting the stillness of the night and causing Nick to jump up, obviously startled.

What the fuck?

It took him a minute to calm down realizing that it was from his transmitter and not some weird sort of alarm. He knelt back down in the safely of the metal cans after taking a quick survey of the surrounding area.

The wind had ceased long ago and now the moon illuminated the ground and bathing it in an ominous light. The ground emanated with a scene so beauty that he believed it to be not of this Earth. Well, at least not of this infected world. This world turned beauty and mutated into something ghastly. It was appalling and unfair. But then again, the world wasn't fair. Never has been and never will.

_There's a man how lives a life of danger._

_To everyone he meets he stays a stranger._

Nick blinked_. _They put him on hold….

_THEY PUT HIM ON FUCKING HOLD! _What the fuck was this? A football game at half time? And what was with this mus-

_Secret Agent man._

_Secret Agent man._

_They've given you a number…._

The music stopped Nick in his mindless ranting. Secret Agent Man! He loved this song! It didn't belong on some elevator fill in music list. He grew up listening to this song. Although he had to admit, he did change the words around just a little to fit his childhood dream of playing in back ally ways and one day, big casinos working the tables.

Once he got moving boy, there was no stopping him. And soon, un-involuntarily, and unbeknownst to him, his body began to react to the music as he started tapping his foot on the cold Earth floor. Nick closed his eyes and started to hum along to the words. He knew he probably looked like an insane wacko who escaped from the Looney bin a little too early for society's liking.

Nick knew that he could very well blow his cover, but at this moment he didn't care.

He needed to relax, even for this moment. You know? Wasn't there some famous dead guy in the past that use to say that? That you should live in the moment. That you shouldn't take things for granted. Nick smirked. _Thanks old man, you've helped me a lot through the years and it almost makes me sad to think you are decaying in the ground being shit on by the ungrateful bugs whom devoured and consumed you._ And without his consent, his mind began to pile heavy unwanted weight in his thoughts. The weight hurt, but also felt exhausting. And what was his mind wandering to? Why, none other than his past. The past two months to be exact.

Those excruciatingly exhausting two months that seemed to drag on and on to the point where one day rolled into the next and you didn't even know what day it was anymore. It seemed that time had come to a stand still, or the very least, a slow crawl.

Nick had had twenty-seven consecutive rigorous missions in a row. He remembered being exhausted. He remembered being just so God damn tired. Heart shattering, emotionally draining, mind fucking tired. The pain of moving or even so much as thinking of moving sent painful electric shock waves through his worn-out and weary form. All the stress of being put up for missions one after the other without any time to recoup was beginning to add themselves up. He just needed this one out-let. Just this one.

Before he even knew what he was doing he was standing up and dancing. And not just the clumsy rhythmic sway socially awkward teens do at high school dances. Nope, he was swaying his hips shacking his butty, pointing his fingers and singing along to the music as though it was the last thing he would ever do on this hell stricken planet. He thoughts? What the hell? No one could see him. No one could judge him or laugh at him. He was alone save for the crying and screeching heard in the distance. No one was watching his descent into insanity, except maybe the Dead Forest that silently stood there waiting...watching.

Let him be free to be the weird one for once. Why the hell not?

"Odds are he wont live to see tomorrow. SECRET AGENT MAN, SECRET AGENT MAN." The agent's deep baritone voice was slightly too off key to be in complete tune, but he was enjoying himself and that was all that mattered. He felt on top of the world, nothing could distract him now. Not even his transmitter roaring back to life stopped Nick from his shenanigans. Even when the music stopped, Nick didn't notice. Only when the delightfully oblivious agent heard a muffled laughing did he finally realize what had happened.

"Stop laughing you Dickweed!" Nick was not furious but more so humiliated. He was just glad that he couldn't see him dancing. If he had seen that Nick knew he would have had to kill him.

"Oh just shut up and tell me what you have!"

"I'm very impressed with your singing Nick, I would have thought you the-"

"Shut u-"

"Did you take choir in high school?"

"SAY ONE MORE THING ABOUT IT AND I SWEAR, SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL KILL YOU!"

"What, by serenading me to death?" Nick could hear an amused chuckle from the speaker transmitter.

Nick growled and the man seemed to get the hint because the chuckling was now replaced with an dismissive cough.

"Right, well...There are approximately five test subjects in the holding chambers. They underwent both tremendous and horrendous sessions in their time in the CEDA compound. Two females and three males. But that is all the information that we were about to retrieve. We know not their names or of their previous life before their imprisonment. You know your orders Conman-00, now do it."

Nick was somewhat sad by the fact that he gave into killing the innocent that easily. He wasn't heartless, he had a heart he had to admit. And it was bleeding.

There was a long pause before Nick finally gave in to his orders. "Yes."

"Good. HQ out. Report back to us within the 72 hour time period agent or we are to presume the worst." And with that, the line went dead.


	2. The kill

**: I Do not own anything.  
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**Chapter one: The Kill**

Ok, Nick had to admit, that getting into the compound's main building had been a very difficult process. It felt like everything that could have gone wrong, did. He grappling hook broke when he was nearing the top of the wall, causing him to plummet to his near death. The only thing that saved him from a horrible demise was his ability to be able to think on his feet and of course his spare hook that was built into his watch.

Once he had gotten over the ridiculously tall wall, crossed the top to scale down the other side, he fell smack dab into a shark pit moat. _Oh what fun THAT was. _The water had been mind shockingly cold, just so goddamn freezing that when Nick had made impact with the surface of the water, all his breath left him in one fail gasp, and not returning as his whole being was engulfed and surrounded by water.

Then there were the sharks. Evil and naughty fuckers they were. Nick shuddered at the memory. He didn't even want to go into it he was so pissed. Even as he climbed out of the water after killing them he became even more enraged by the fact that when he glanced at the wall he had just almost fell to his doom on, he had failed to notice earlier, the big entrance sign that led inside the compound.

That would have saved him a lot of trouble.

He mentally KILLED himself for being completely oblivious. But he had no time to think about it because after narrowly escaping death he just HAD to run into the special guards and truth be told, they WERE special. A bunch of infected controlled weirdoes in rainbow armor is more like it.

Then, having not only triggered an alarm and completely bypassed his entrance, he, once inside, had to hide in a container filled with dead infected bodies for three excruciating hours as they searched the place head to foot. He had to endure the smell of rotting molded over flesh and the feeling of insect larvae that inhabited the dead bodies crawling all over his crouched form. It was a plethora of disgusting nightmares that he would never get out of his dreams as long as he lived.

He stood, now, in the door way of what appeared to be a science lad. And after searching the lab high and low the agent was confident to say that the test subjects were not in the room. So, swiftly whipping the blood and maggots from his black suit he walked down the hall, being weary of any and all threats to his mission.

As he walked he took in account that most the rooms he passed were labeled 'Bio Testing lab.' He thought that odd but disregarded it until further notice. As he continued on his pre determined path, he notice that there were no cameras to be of concern. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen any cameras since he entered the building. How strange.

Before Nick's thoughts could wander, a red flashing light seemed to emanate from no where, followed by a blaring alarm.

The agent stopped cold in his tracks.

He hadn't triggered an alarm. Had he? Nick panicked. Throwing quick glances around him he realized that if indeed anything was going to come investigate, then he would be trapped. There was no place to hide. Not even a window close by to make a quick getaway. The doors had stopped coming in rows long ago.

Through his rapidly beating heart beat Nick was thoroughly surprised by the fact that he could still make out the quiet but thunderous sound of footsteps of about a dozen people coming his way.

So he had set off an alarm of some kind. He hadn't seen any triggers or for that matter, any people who could have seen his...skillful entrance into the building. So then, if not him, what would have set the alarm off?

"Attention all personnel on duty at this time."

Nick nearly jumped through the roof at the sound of a muffled voice gave its announcement.

"There is a breech of security in section 902. Anyone who is on duty at this time must report to the specified area immediately."

Oh shit. Was he the breech in security? But he didn't _do_ anything. At least not yet. The blaring alarms nearly swallowed up what the announcement was still saying. Nick had to wonder if anyone could actually hear what was being said over the rapidly annoying rhythmic sound.

"All personnel bring weapons. One of the subjects has escaped. I repeat, all personnel bring weapons, one of the subjects has escaped."

...

"Ahhhh!"

_Oh shit, who's screaming?_

Nick glanced down the long hallway where the echoing sound was coming from. There wasn't anything there.

That can't be right. He knew he had heard someone screams coming from-

"He's got me! HE'S GOT ME!"

"Shoot him! Shoot him!"

"I'm trying man!"

Nick contemplated going to check out the source of the screams but quickly decided against it as he hear gun shots in that general area.

Nick backed up slowly as he turned to make his getaway. But as he turned he turned smack dab into this tall armored guard. The ass clown was build like a brick house. He was at least six foot, AT LEAST two times as broader than the agent and had a face only a blind person could love. Big, tall, dark, he loomed over the gawking agent.

"So...is your mama as ugly as you are?" Nick joked, slightly intimidated by the stronger man.

Apparently he didn't find that funny because his expression remained the same deep frown from before.

"Intruder." His voice was deep, deeper than anyone's the agent had ever heard. That was all he said before he reached for the assault rifle propped against his back and aimed it at the small and pathetic looking man.

"Hey! Whoo now man." Nick said lifting up his hands as if in surrender. "I'm not intruder. Can't you tell a maid when you see one?" Nick pointed to his person or to be more exact, his black suit.

He was hoping the man was all brawn and no brains, falling for his 'maid' story. But the agent knew that if he was going to buy into the story then he would need some further convincing.

Some convincing and smooth talking only performed by non other than _The World's Best Conman_ that is.

And so will putting on his best innocent and lost puppy face Nick began to tell his story.

"You see fine sir, I'm new here and got lost from the others who also newly arrived." _Yeah, that makes sense. _"I was looking for the restroom when this happened and as I tried to find my way back to the group the alarm went off." All the while as the 'super smooth conman' was telling his bogus story he noticed that the guard was slowly but surely lowering his weapon to the point where it could no longer hit the agent.

Nick noticed this and quickly wrapped up his story. "So yeah, that's about it."

The man scratched his head as though in thought but before he could even say a word something seemed to buzz in his pocket. With reaching in and pulling the object out the agent quickly saw that it was some kind of high Tec walkie-talkie.

With pushing the button on the side the man started to talk.

"Can you repeat that." His voice boomed into the speaker and moments late a crackled voice of a man was heard on their end.

"We need you down here now, Tiffany! I think we are going to have to kill this one."

...

...

...

Tiffany?

The man's name was Tiffany?

The big hunk of walking meat was Tiff?

Nick covered his mouth with both his hands and stared wide eyed at the tiled floor. He was sure there were tears on the brink of flowing from his eyes as he tried will all his might to contain his laughter the best he could.

Tiffany must have saw him containing his laughter because he growled and glared at the smaller cleaning man. "WHAT THE **FUCK** IS YOUR PROBLEM STRING BEAN? You got a problem with my name? HUH? IS THAT IT?" Tiffany glared daggers into the other man. "You're just a **cleaning boy!** You are here to clean up the messes that **I **make! While **I** get the better job and a better pay! **SO WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?**"

Nick, using all his force, removed his hands and refrained from laughing. "You are laughing s-sir." Shit, he almost slipped up there.

"DAMN STRAIGH I'M LAUGHING!" The man puffed himself out kind of like what a dog or cat would do to look like twice its size. "Now, get lost before I change my mind about blowing your brains out! And I never want to see you again! At least, until you start acting like the little bitch that you are and start cleaning up after my ass!" He talked into the walkie-talkie to inform the man that he would be on his way. Then, when their side of the receiving end got an affirmative, Tiffany placed the high tec device back into his pocket.

And with one final snarl to 'his cleaning bitch', he walked down the hall to join the others, and within what seemed like a minute of his departure, Nick could hear the rapid firing of an assault rifle and then the deafening sound of death that lingered in the air.

Nick was glad that he wasn't at the receiving end of Tiffany's wrath, but also glad that he only had to kill off four instead of five. In a way, Tiffany had been helpful. And for that, he had to thank that pessimistic dick head.

_Thank ya Tiffy old boy. Kinda makes me wish that your parents named you otherwise. _Nick had to chuckle as he made his way down the hall. GOD his parents must have really wanted a girl. Nick laughed even louder as he thought that maybe, maybe they had had a girl. He laughed so hard that his gut hurt.

"Hello?"

Nick stopped in his tracks. Had he been hearing things? Had he heard right? Maybe he hadn't heard anything over the blaring alar-

Wait a minute. The agent had just realized that the alarm had shut off long ago. So then, was he really hearing things or not?

"Is someone there?"

It sounded like a...a...young man?

But he didn't sound native. He sounded, Southern, maybe?

Whatever it was that accent was pretty deep.

Nick looked around to identify where the voice had come from and after searching around the near corner he was certain it had come from one of the doors that he had passed earlier with the labels 'Bio testing lab'. There was just one on this particular side of the wall, but there were others and if this one contained what he thought it contained, then he had found his targets.

Moving to the heavy looking steel door, the agent looked down at the access pad that served as a lock.

So, a lock eh? Nick had to laugh. _This will be a piece of cake_, Nick thought as he took out a small lock picking kit from the pocket of his suit.

Taking the needed tools out he began to work on the lock, trying to get to the circuit board. But every time he thought he was getting close to cracking the code, he'd mess up and have to start all over again. So, after an accounted 12 times and ten minutes he still hadn't gotten it. He was, needless to say, very frustrated.

"Hey sir? Ah don't mean ta pry, but ya do realize that the doors are only locked on the insides right?" The voice from inside room shouted.

Wha-

What?

Nick felt his face getting heated up from embarrassment. He felt so stupid!

Getting up from his crouching position he was in. Quickly pushing the door open he walked inside.

It was a pretty clean lad. Complete with test tubs, important paper work that littered the surface of most of the tables and in the middle of the room, what looked to be a steel table. But it was different from the rest. It had everything like a table except the huge glaring light that shown straight down on it, oh, and also the binds. Yeah, the binds also made it different.

Glancing around the dimly lighted room he saw someone standing in the farthest corner away from him. The figure was tall, lean and had curly dirty blond hair, maybe even to the point to were his hair could be considered brownish, but anyway, it was hard to tell under that tow trucking blue hat of his.

Nick couldn't see the man very well but he had assumed that he was at least 20, maybe 23 at most.

He was young.

He was here.

He was his target.

_Don't let him know his death is near nicky boy, it's better that way. For the both of us._

"H-hey. Come on over here." Nick put on his best innocent smile and beckoned the younger man over into the light. When he looked slightly scared to move Nick added some words of reassurance. "I'm not going to hurt you," _Lie. _"I'm not with CEDA." _True._

This finally brought the kid over to him. stepping into the light allowed Nick to see his facial features. He had been right about the hair but now that he could see the kid more clearly he was able to tell that he had the palest blue eyes that he had ever seen. Along with his blue eyes he had also adorned a rather deep scar on the left side of his whisker jaw.

He wore a CEDA issued T-shirt that seemed to fit him a little to snug, as well as a baggy pair of CEDA issued sweat pants. Grayish while and ugly even to the unseeing, it clashed with ever detail the kid had to his person. And so, with everything fitting differently, it made it quite a funny sight when the kid talked.

"Hey! Thank ya very much." You see, the reason the clothes made it funny for the boy to talk was because he used body language to say EVERYTHING. "I thought I was a goner man." He threw his arms around the stiff agent and hugged him tight. "Thank ya again." The younger man sniffed and his hold the other man tightened.

Was he crying? Of course he was, he was scared. No shit, he has every right to be.

"It was so terrible man..."

Southern, definitely.

"Thank ya...so so much."

He was still crying. His sobbing was quiet, thank god. But that didn't stop the agent from feeling guilty. God he hated what he was about to do. He really did and he just hope to god that he would be forgiven for what he was about to do. Even though he didn't believe in a god, he just wanted to be forgiven and told that he wasn't to blame.

Nick looked down at the southerner and reluctantly placed his hand on top of the man's hated head. With this action the sobbing southerner looked up at him. He had snot running down his noise and red eyes, irritated from the amount of tears still flowing from the poor boy's tear ducts.

"Hey." Nick whispered reasuringly. "It's ok, you're safe now. No need to cry anymore. I'll bring you to a safe place were no one can hurt you again." Nick's voice was calm and smooth and the southerner seemed to buy into his words because he sniffed one last time and whipped away the remaining tears in his eyes that had threatened to fall.

"O.k."

"Good, now before we go I need to ask you something."

"yeah?" The southerner asked timidly.

"Do you know where the other test subjects are?"

The boy tensed up and looked at his completely horrified. Shaking profoundly he started to cry again.

"You need to tell me-"

"They're all dead-"

"All?" If this was true than Nick was so relieved that he only had to end one life on this mission.

"Only me and the person right across from me. I know 'im."

Nick completely dismissed what the other was saying. So, there were two...oh well, it could have been a lot more.

Looking down at the farm kid Nick noticed that he was staring up at him, with big puppy dog eyes and mouth slightly opened, like he was about to ask for something.

Nick, unable to be the subject to that gaze finally caved in. "What?"

"Can we go get him too?"

Nick was puzzled. "What?"

"The other subject?"

"Oh." This is perfect. "Yeah, we can. Let's go." The boy hopped up with such optimistic enthusiasm that it pained the agent to snuff out one of the few burning bright lights in an otherwise darkened world. But, it had to be done, orders were orders and he had to do what he was told.

"Lead the way...I don't know where it is..." Nick gestured to the door and the boy happily excepted the leading role.

Why he was so optimistic with all the shit he was put through he did not know. But Nick was certain to have this light quickly extinguished, only because that this way, the light and the boy would not know what happened and he will leave with the same blissful and childish innocence he had right now. He didn't want the kid to be scared, he didn't want him to know, he didn't want him to cry.

And that's why, as the kid was nearing the door to his testing lab, nick slowly drew his concealed revolver from the inside pocket of his suit coat and aimed it at the back of the kid's exposed neck, right where the spinal core was, and fired.

BANG!


	3. Not a good day

**sort I know but its the best Iv'e got, I havent had any time to do anything for months. Sorry, but please try and be understanding. I didn't have time to check this through. I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Chapter two: Not a good day**

The body fell to the floor lifelessly, hitting the tile with a dull thump. The bone chilling sound ricocheted throughout the mind of the poor agent who stood before the lifeless crumpled up heap that bled out just inches from where he stood. The sound deafened him, brutally assaulting his ear drums with a vengeance.

What had he done?

He just ended a life, that's what.

Nick's eyes went wide as his breathing seemed forced and foreign as it streamed past his lips. Before he knew what he was doing Nick started to shake. Beads of cold sweat coated and rolled down his forehead. He was a mess, he had never killed anyone before this mission and he had just done it so carelessly. Easily, even. How could he do such a thing?

The agent was in a state of panic as little sirens in his head were going off.

_What did you do?_

_How could you do such a thing?_

_You're a monster!_

Nick's legs were weak and probably would have given up and failed him if he were not already leaning against the cold tiled wall.

He knew he had to keep it together, he knew he had yet one other target to destroy. He knew that he couldn't afford to lose it now, not when he was so close to ending the hardest task he had to accomplish on this mission. He knew.

_Pull it together Nicky old boy, you can do this... no sweat_.

But how could he? Looking down at the deceased being he knew, the boy, the light, was now extinguished. Forever banished from this world.

How could he have done that? The boy was beaming with optimism and worst of all he didn't even see it coming. He TRUSTED the deviant, the stranger clad in black. With such child innocence he BELIEVED that the stranger would help him. He believed.

He was like a child.

He was innocent.

So very innocent.

He looked like, to Nick, that he held no ill ideas of getting revenge for his captivity or even seeming to care about any and all experiments done to him. No, he just wanted to get the other subjects out of this place. The only one left. The one next door.

The agent pushed himself off of the wall and took a few deep breaths. Was he really going to kill off another human being because of the mere fact that someone had told him to do so?

Yes.

Was he going to like it?

Fuck no.

But it was his job, and everyone had to do their part when things got knuckled down to it. Even a rebellious person such as himself. Conman-00 must obey all orders coming from the higher up, or suffer the consequences. And the consequences made what he had just done to this innocent person look like an act of suicide, of their own free will.

So with great force Nick pulled himself together and exited the lab into the deserted hallway. Looking around he quickly found the door, and as the southerner stated it was in fact directly opposite of the door he had just exited from.

Nick smirked. This would be a piece of cake.

Walking toward the door and reaching out for the door handle be was pleased to find that it too was unlocked. So with opening up the door he walked inside.

It was dark, no light could be found lighting up this lab room. With Nick's eyes quickly adjusting to the lack of light he was momentarily blind. The agent, once his eyes adjusted, walked into the center of the non lighted room. Looking around he was unable to locate the test subject.

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Is anyone here? I've come to help you."

_Lie._

The agent cringed.

_Stop it you!_

"Is anyone here?" Nick quickly surveyed his surroundings for yet another time before he began to search in the closets, under tables and even in the bathroom.

No one.

The agent began to think that the subject had been lying to him. But why would he? He couldn't have seen through his lie and still let him so easily bring him down when his back was turned. Could he?

Nick walked into the room even more but he still couldn't see anyone. This seemed to piss off the agent, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply he clenched and unclenched his fists.

That stupid red neck hill billy had lied to him! Un-fucking-believable. He took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. Now, not only did he have to kill the poor sap who had become the unfortunate victim of CEDA's horrible experimentations but now he had to **track** the poor kid down like some wild game hunted for sport.

His day just couldn't get any worse.

**So, did you like it? Please review and no mean coments please. Thanx.**


	4. Our first encounter

**Here is my Christmas present to you, another chapter. I know that I suck at updating but you will not believe what I have been through this past year. Merry Christmas to all and happy holidays as well. And here's to the hopes of surviving 12/21/12.**

**But if we do not survive, then this is Zombie4play, updating for the last time. **

**Good-bye...?**

* * *

><p><strong>Secret Agent...Hick?<strong>

**Chapter 3: Our first encounter**

When Nick was about to turn and leave, the same earsplitting alarm sounded, accompanied by the red flashing lights. Nick quickly ran out of the room and back into the hallway to scanned the halls for any sign of a threat. He found none.

Nick was beginning to get beyond annoyed with the stupid siren.

If there was no threat then there was no reason to sound the stupid alarm and scare everyone. The agent had to wonder how anyone got any work done around this facility without losing all sanity.

Then out of nowhere the agent could hear gun shots from the farthest end of the corridor. The sound rang out over the alarm with a fury intent to kill anything in its wake. Nick strained his ears to hear that accompanying the sounds of firearms, there was the frantic scurry of about half a dozen armored men.

"What the-"

"GET IT, DON'T LET IT ESCAPE!"

That sounded like Tiffany.

What was going on? Nick could hear them getting closer to his location and that put him on edge, he had to get out of there and fast. But who where they shooting at?

Or better yet...What...

"KILL IT! KILL IT NOW!"

Around the corner of the hallway, a person appeared and he was running like a mad man. This man was actually a boy, not older than the southern test subject , he had a sweat stricken face with wet matted brown hair, giving off the impression that he had been trying to out run the guards for a while.

He was running toward Nick, seeming not to notice the intuder at first. His movements were jarred and jerky, as though he hadn't moved, much less ran, for a long time. The boy had a similar trucker's cap on like the other southerner, but instead of dirty blonde hair, this man had a rich chestnut brown ting in his hidden locks. But besides the hat that personified any semblance of individuality, there was nothing personal about the rest of this man's outfit. The man wore the same green testing gown as a corpse just a door across the way.

So this must be the other test subject, Nick thought. But before the agent could analysis the other any further a group of guards, led none other then Tiffany, rounded the same corner; chasing after the escaped test subject.

* * *

><p><em>'Aye just want ta go home...'<em>

Oh hell, how did aye get into this mess? Where did it all go wrong?

"KILL IT! KILL IT NOW!"

They wanted to kill him? Why? And why were they all calling him 'it'"

_'Have ta get outta 'er!'_

He ran faster.

_'Just 'round the corner now, come on man, ya'll can do it'_

He pushed himself harder but just as he rounded the bend one of the shots actually hit its mark; on his leg.

He screamed.

The pain. It hurt, oh God it hurt...

_'Don't stop runnin' you got this'_

Turning the corner he was met with another long hallway. Not good, another narrow hallway meant he was an easier target and an easier target meant certain death.

_'Aye can do it, aye can do it...' _He kept running, trying to ignore the pain and the blood that seeped out of the small gaping wound. His eyes teared up as the pain seared through his leg and up his calf, but through the tears that impeded his vision, he caught a glimpse of some of the scenery in front of him. It all looked very familiar...

_'wait, wasn't that the room aye just came from?'_

Shit...it was...He had gone in one giant circle!

But there was ONE thing that was not the same about the room and the hallway, something in black.

_'A man...?'_

Yes! There was a man, dressed in a black suit, standing in front of the testing lab, looking straight at him.

'_Who is that?' _

The running man almost tripped over himself as he ran faster.

He could hear the big black man behind him shouting to kill him again, but he paid him little attention. There was something about this man that didn't seem right, yet at the same time didn't seem threatening.

He obviously was not part of this fucked up laboratory. So if he wasn't part of the people that were hurting him, that meant he was good, didn't it?

His eyes sought the other's. This man can save him, maybe even had come to save him. Maybe God had heard his prayers every night. Maybe God had heard his barley audible words that escaped out of his mouth every day as he was being experimented on; or even heard his whimpers at night as he begged his tormenters to just end the pain and torture.

Maybe God HAD heard.

And Maybe, just maybe, he was going to be ok after all. Maybe this man, this stranger, could help him, save him... and protect him.

_'Well, it's worth a shot.'_

And so the test subject ran, right for the man clad in black.

* * *

><p>The test subject was running right for him.<p>

...Why?

"Hey, you! Come on man! Run for it."

This experiment also had a strong southern accent too. The agent took awhile to process the words that the southerner was screaming at him but even though he understood the words, Nick couldn't move from his spot, eye staring at the advancing figure.

As the experiment grew nearer, Nick became aware of more of the finer details the other possessed.

The experiment had big brown eyes and full lips that seemed to resemble a pout. Its jaw line was firm and distinct, facial hair almost none existent.

On its left arm there was a blue tribal tattoo that extended from sleeve of the gown it was wearing just past the elbow. This experiment had a somewhat boyish charm to its facial features.

Nick transfixed on the frantically running test subject, didn't take notice of the half a dozen men that soon followed after their little escaped lab rat turning around the bend; no, instead the agent took notice of how the subject was heading straight for him.

Everything appeared to move in slow motion as the southerner grew even closer to the paralyzed agent. There was only the 'thing' and the gawking agent.

Nick knew that he must have had his mouth slightly agape, but he couldn't bring himself to care much as he continued to stare at the test subject.

This thing, this man, was beautiful.

"What are ya doin'? Run man!"

The somewhat shorter man ran past the other but not without grabbing the man by the hand and pulling the other with him.

As they ran in the direction that Nick had previously came from, they both could hear the frantic shouting of confusion behind them. But out of all those confused and somewhat frustrated sounds, there was a voice that rang out above them all.

"HEY! It's that Maid!" That voice definitely belonged to Tiffany. The voice boomed across the hallway, and sent a shiver down the agent's spin.

"I KNEW IT! That mother fucker is NO MAID!" His voice rang out and ricochet off the metallic walls that surrounded the group.

"Shoot them both, shoot THEM BOTH! I WANT THEM BOTH **DEAD**!" Tiffany didn't seem to be in the mood for an argument because as soon as the order was barked bullets opened fire.

Why did Nick have to have been caught? And along with an escaped test subject too. The agent knew that if he was ever getting out of this situation alive he would never, and he meant NEVER taking another mission like this one again.

This mission was going down in the file as failed, Nick was sure.

But as he ran, hand in hand with an escaped lab rat, to their certain doom; Nick couldn't help but smile at the ridiculousness of it all.

I mean, here he was, a secret agent who was the best the Earth had to offer, and he was being led to his impending doom by the target he was sent there to kill.

One of the stray bullets met their mark as it grazed Nick's shoulder.

Nick cried out in pain and tripped over himself, chin bashing on the cold tile. Flat on his stomach, Nick tuned around and saw that the guards were closing in on him, will all weapons trained on his defenseless form.

Tiffany was leading and also pointed his assault rifle toward the whimpering man.

"Open fire you idiots, but not for this one, this bitch is mine!"

With that order, Tiffany shot Nick in the leg three times.

"Agggg!" Nick tried to crawl away from his quickly approaching enemies, but the agent now only had one working appendage each.

Nick was fucked.

The blood seeped from the open wounded on his shoulder and leg and dark pools began to form on his already black clothing.

The pain was excruciating. It seared Nick's very skin and everything around the wounds felt as though it was on fire.

He was loosing blood fast, and he knew it wasn't much time before the others opened fire on him and eventually got in a lucky shot.

Nick was a goner.

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><p><strong> Thank you so much for reading and waiting, I love you all.<strong>


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